Why Strangers Saying 'You Must Be Tired' Misses the Mark for Moms and Fertility Journeys
“You must be so tired!” How many times have moms heard this from strangers? If you’re a parent, or someone walking the path to parenthood, you know this phrase is as common as a handshake. But have you ever stopped to think about what this seemingly harmless comment really means? Recently, a mom of four shared her frustration with this very topic in this revealing Business Insider article. Her words struck a chord with me, and I can’t shake the feeling that there’s a deeper story behind those tired eyes and the unsolicited sympathy many moms face daily.
At first glance, it sounds like empathy. But if you dig a little deeper, there’s something that feels dismissive — as if motherhood is reduced to nothing more than exhaustion. For many moms, including those still on their journey to become parents, it’s a complex mix of emotions, hopes, and sometimes heartache. So why does the world insist on focusing only on the tiredness?
Let’s talk about the journey behind the tired face.
For couples and individuals trying to conceive, the path is anything but easy. Whether you’re using clinical treatments or exploring at-home options like the ones offered by companies such as MakeAMom, the emotional, physical, and mental rollercoaster can be overwhelming. At-home insemination kits, like MakeAMom’s CryoBaby or BabyMaker, provide an empowering alternative to clinical settings, helping people take control in a gentle, personal way. But still, the uncertainty and hope involved add layers of stress that are often invisible to the outside world.
Imagine this: you’re navigating sensitive methods and trying multiple times, learning about your body, your partner’s fertility factors, and managing expectations. Each attempt might carry a piece of hope and a touch of anxiety. So the tiredness you see? It’s not just sleep deprivation. It’s the emotional labor of fertility challenges, the mental strength needed to face what often feels like an uncertain future.
Why do these comments from strangers sting so much?
- They reduce complex experiences to a stereotype.
- They disregard the strength it takes to keep trying.
- They assume a story you haven’t heard.
Motherhood, fertility journeys, and even parenthood after infertility are deeply personal experiences. What feels supportive to one person might come off as intrusive or exhausting to another.
So, how can we change this conversation? How do we honor the fullness of these experiences?
Ask open-ended questions instead of assumptions. Instead of saying, “You must be tired,” why not ask, “How are you really doing?”
Acknowledge strength and resilience. Recognizing the courage behind the scenes can be a powerful way to show support.
Educate yourself about fertility options and mental health. Understanding that many people use innovative solutions — like reusable, discreet kits from MakeAMom that cater to unique fertility needs — helps us appreciate the layers of their journey.
Be mindful of your words. Sometimes silence or a simple smile can be the best support.
The truth is, motherhood and fertility journeys are as unique as the people living them. They come with ups and downs, victories and setbacks. And while tiredness is real, it’s only one frame of a much bigger picture.
I encourage everyone to read the heartfelt reflections in the Business Insider piece to gain a fresh perspective on what it really means to be a mom, or someone hoping to become one. And if you’re in the throes of your own fertility journey, remember: there are resources and communities — like those surrounding innovative at-home fertility solutions — that understand and support you.
Before you next utter “You must be tired,” pause and consider: what story might you be missing? What strength might you be overlooking?
Let’s open up the conversation to honor every chapter of this incredible, challenging, and beautiful journey called parenthood.
What’s your experience with unsolicited comments about your fertility or parenting journey? Drop a comment below — your story might just be the encouragement someone else needs today.