Let’s get honest about something most of us would rather not talk about: pregnancy doesn’t always go according to plan.
If you’re on your own path to parenthood—whether you’re actively trying, just starting to explore options, or simply dreaming—the topic of later pregnancy is probably swirling in your mind, even if it’s just as an unspoken “what if?”
I recently read Dr. Shelley Sella’s stunning interview about her new book, ‘Beyond Limits: Stories of Third-Trimester Abortion Care.’ I’ll admit: it stopped me in my tracks. Not just because of what she shares about third-trimester abortions, but because it forced me to confront—and question—how I think about reproductive choices, loss, and the deep uncertainty that comes with building a family.
We All Want Control… But Do We Really Have It?
It’s one of the most gut-wrenching paradoxes of the fertility journey: we plan, we chart, we hope, and we invest. But even after doing everything right, things can change—sometimes heartbreakingly fast.
Dr. Sella’s stories highlight a reality so many shy away from: People choosing later-term abortion are almost never making an “easy” choice. Often, we’re talking about wanted pregnancies, sometimes years in the making, facing devastating complications. Her account strips away the misinformation and replaces it with humanity, nuance, and hard truths that don’t fit neatly into political talking points.
Honestly, reading her words as someone hoping for a baby someday made my heart race: What would I do in that impossible moment? Would I know what was right for me, or my family? Would I even have the choice?
The Weight of Silence: Why We Don’t Talk About Loss & Hard Choices
Let’s face it: even in loving communities (like Nestful!), talking about loss or abortion is hard. There’s pressure to keep things upbeat, to focus on hope. But pretending these conversations don’t matter—or that they only happen to “other” people—just makes the isolation worse.
- Maybe you’re using ovulation apps and insemination kits.
- Maybe you’re navigating IVF, donor conception, or surrogacy.
- Maybe you’re still trying to figure out what path feels right for you.
But everyone faces uncertainty. And that includes the possibility of difficult choices—sometimes after years of struggle and sacrifice.
So why do we keep the hard stuff in the dark? Maybe because sharing our fears makes them too real. Or maybe because we’re worried others won’t understand.
But reading Dr. Sella’s stories, I realized: open, honest conversations are what save us.
When the Path to Parenthood Isn’t a Straight Line
If you’re like me, you probably started your journey with hope, checklists, and a vision board. (“First try, right?” Yeah… if only.)
The truth? There are so many ways to build a family, and every path comes with its own surprises. That’s actually why I first found resources like this one—I wanted options and understanding, not just pink-dusted positivity. MakeAMom’s focus on gentle, inclusive, at-home insemination opened my eyes to how empowering it feels to have choices in your own hands—but it also made me hyper-aware: even with so many tools and advances, there are no guarantees.
Dr. Sella’s work reminds me that hope and heartbreak can exist side by side. And in those rare, wrenching cases, the best thing we can offer each other is empathy and support—not judgment, not silence.
What No One Tells You: Real Stories, Real Support
Here’s what I wish I’d heard sooner:
- You’re allowed to grieve and celebrate at the same time. It’s possible to mourn a loss and be hopeful for the future. Both feelings are real.
- Needing help, or making a difficult choice, doesn’t mean you’re weak—or alone. So many have walked this winding road before you, even if they rarely talk about it.
- Having access to information and compassionate care is everything. Whether you’re reading up on DIY insemination kits, or seeking out stories like Dr. Sella’s, you’re building your own toolkit for the journey ahead.
Bringing It Back to Us: How Do We Move Forward?
So, after reading Dr. Sella’s interview, here’s what I’m sitting with: as much as we plan, love, and hope for healthy pregnancies, life will throw curveballs. Our greatest strength isn’t in always getting what we want—it’s in reaching out, sharing our truth, and caring for each other in the tough moments.
If you’re on a fertility journey right now—whether you’re using at-home kits, considering IVF, or exploring other options—know that you’re not “behind” if things don’t go perfectly. And you’re definitely not alone if you ever find yourself facing decisions you never expected to make.
Let’s keep talking. About loss, about hope, about choice. About what it really means to build a family in 2025—messy, beautiful, and brave.
Have you faced a tough decision on your path to parenthood? What stories or resources made you feel less alone? Drop your thoughts below, or share this story with someone who needs to hear it.