What happens when your 'someday' suddenly gets put on hold?
A few days ago, I read a gut-punch of a story on Business Insider: A 30-year-old breast cancer survivor, forced to delay her dreams of motherhood for five to ten years because of life-saving treatment. As I scrolled through the article, something just…clicked. Her words about mourning the vision she’d always had for her future hit painfully close to home (and I’m betting I’m not the only one).
Let’s face it—no one ever plans for their path to parenthood to be rerouted by a word like “cancer,” or by a diagnosis, or even just by the unpredictable detours life throws our way. But here we are, a whole generation recalculating our future GPS.
When Waiting Isn’t a Choice
The woman in the article was candid about her grief. She shared how chemotherapy and other treatments have put her fertility on an unknown timeline. Even in 2025, with all our apps and hacks, there’s still no “pause” button for the biological clock.
It got me thinking: There’s this expectation that we all follow the same milestones—career, relationships, family, check, check, check. But what do you do when a medical diagnosis, or just…life, means pressing pause on what you always thought would come next?
Are you supposed to pretend you’re okay with it? Just “stay positive”? Most days, that feels impossible. I know so many of us are mourning futures that look different than we imagined.
The Grief No One Sees (but Many Feel)
Here’s the thing about delayed parenthood: the world moves on, but you’re stuck in this weird waiting room, clutching onto hope with one hand and letting go of your old plans with the other.
- Your friends have baby showers, and you smile, but it stings.
- Conversations about “when you have kids” feel like salt in a wound.
- Your own dreams sometimes feel like distant, unreachable stars.
This quiet grief is real. And honestly, it deserves space. If you’re reading this and nodding along—you’re not alone. Sometimes, just admitting that reality to yourself is the bravest thing you can do.
What No One Tells You About Fertility Options
If you’re anything like me (and the woman in the article), the medical jargon around fertility preservation can feel overwhelming—especially when you’re dealing with something as colossal as cancer treatment, or any major life upheaval. There’s egg freezing, hormone injections, appointments, costs, pills, and waitlists.
But here’s a bit of unexpected hope: there are ways to keep your options open, even when your original timeline has vanished.
- At-home insemination kits: Did you know there are tools designed to empower you to try for a baby on your terms, when your body—and your life—are finally ready?
- Supportive communities: Spaces like this one (hi, Nestful fam!) are full of stories, hacks, and wisdom from people who’ve walked this road.
- Innovative companies: I recently stumbled on MakeAMom’s fertility resources while researching surrogacy, and it blew my mind how accessible at-home options are becoming. Their kits are designed for real-world challenges (low motility, sensitivities, and all the stuff the brochures never mention). It’s not a cure-all, but it’s a choice—and some days, having a choice feels like everything.
How Do You Let Go—But Keep Hoping?
So, where does that leave us? Maybe the most radical thing we can do is let ourselves grieve the storylines that changed. To admit: “This is hard. This isn’t what I wanted.”
But then—slowly, stubbornly—start building a new picture. We don’t have to erase the old dreams. We just have to make room for different ones:
- Maybe it means freezing eggs, so you can try again when treatment is over.
- Maybe you gather info, bookmark resources, or just keep reading stories that remind you you’re not alone.
- Maybe you join communities (like Nestful!) or check out the latest in at-home options, so when your moment comes, you’re ready.
The Takeaway: Your Story Isn’t Over
To anyone in that weird, uncertain space—delayed by illness, circumstance, or just plain life—please know this: You’re still on the path to parenthood. It just might look a little different than you expected.
And who knows? The tools, the science, and the support are changing every single year. (Seriously, the success rates for things like home insemination kits are higher than you might think—MakeAMom reports 67% with their home system!)
So here’s my challenge: Let yourself grieve, but don’t give up on hope. Your someday is still possible, even if you’re taking the scenic route to get there.
Have you faced an unexpected delay in your journey to parenthood? What advice—or comfort—would you share with others in the same boat? Drop your story in the comments. We’re in this together.