Have you ever told a mom she looks tired? If so, you’re not alone—but you might want to think twice before doing it again.
Recently, a heartfelt article titled “Yes, as a mom of 4, I'm tired. But I don't like when strangers point that out” sparked a powerful conversation about the social dynamics mothers face daily. The author, a mother of four, candidly shares her experiences with strangers who, with good intentions or not, comment on how tired she must be. Sounds harmless, right? But the reality is far more nuanced.
The Hidden Weight Behind a Simple Comment
When someone says, “You look tired,” it may seem like a casual observation. However, for many mothers, this statement can feel like a judgment or an unwelcome reminder of the exhaustion they are battling—not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.
For parents navigating the complex and often overwhelming world of family life, such remarks can add to feelings of invisibility or inadequacy. Instead of feeling seen and supported, moms may feel scrutinized, as if their fatigue is a personal failure.
Why Do We Feel Compelled to Point Out Tiredness?
It's human nature to notice and comment. When we see someone looking worn out, our instinct is to empathize or start a conversation. But with parenting, which is deeply personal and often fraught with invisible challenges like infertility, postpartum depression, or chronic health conditions, those comments might miss the mark.
Could it be that society doesn’t quite know how to engage with parents beyond surface-level observations? Possibly. More importantly, it raises the question: How can we validate and uplift mothers instead of unintentionally undermining them?
Shifting the Narrative: From “You Look Tired” to Genuine Support
If you want to support a mom—or any parent—here are some ways to do it better:
- Ask How They’re Really Doing: Instead of commenting on appearance, a simple “How are you?” can open the door to real connection.
- Offer Practical Help: Sometimes, actions speak louder than words—whether it’s bringing a meal, watching the kids for an hour, or just listening.
- Validate Their Experience: Let parents know their feelings are normal and shared by many. This acknowledgment goes a long way.
Supporting Moms on Their Unique Fertility Journeys
Behind every family is a unique story, often with struggles invisible to outsiders. Some couples and individuals are on the path of conceiving through assisted means like at-home insemination.
This is where companies like MakeAMom come into the picture—offering at-home insemination kits designed to empower hopeful parents with more privacy, comfort, and control over their fertility journey. Their products consider the nuances of different needs, whether it’s low-volume or frozen sperm or sensitivity during the process.
By putting fertility tools directly into the hands of individuals and couples, MakeAMom reflects a broader movement towards dignity, autonomy, and emotional wellness in family building.
The Bigger Picture: Emotional Wellness in Parenthood
Motherhood, and parenthood in general, comes with highs and lows rarely discussed openly enough. Fatigue is not just physical tiredness; it’s often entangled with emotional stress, anxiety, and sometimes isolation.
Reconsidering how we communicate with and about parents can make a profound difference. Instead of inadvertently highlighting exhaustion as a negative, we can foster conversations that celebrate resilience and invite support.
Your Role: How Can You Make a Difference?
Next time you’re tempted to say, “You look tired,” pause for a moment. Ask instead, “How can I support you today?” or simply, “I’m here if you want to talk.” These subtle shifts can transform a fleeting interaction into meaningful connection.
Parenthood is not meant to be a solo journey, and the way we communicate can either build bridges or barriers.
———
What do you think? Have you experienced or witnessed a moment where well-meaning comments missed the mark? Share your story below! Let’s start a conversation that helps all parents feel seen, supported, and respected.